What a big joke! It’s not even funny. I’m vulnerable. Please stop making fun of me.
It’s been what, three days? I don’t really count but I can’t stop myself from longing. I can only imagine how perfect we can be together. How we can be just crazy happy. Unfortunately, nothing is perfect. It might be a right love but it is in the wrong time and it sucks how neither one of us can do anything about it. We tried to fight but at the end, we lost the battle.
Since that day, I’ve been trying to stop myself from thinking about it so I won’t feel sad. I don’t want to cry. There’s no sense in crying over spilled milk. I am trying to be firm and strong because I know that I’ll get through this.
I am trying to ignore everything about him, everything about us. I don’t look at our photos. I don’t re-read his messages. I scroll thru his social media updates. I don’t even update my Facebook. I went MIA and I am actually doing good. But, there are times that I just can’t help myself but think about him.
How is he doing?
Is he thinking about me too?
Does he feel sad like I do?
Then, I would listen to our closing song. I remembered replying a verse from the song, to his long message explaining how I will understand everything in due time. Then, I’m gone.
Today is one of the days wherein I am succumbed to the sadness and my only refuge is ranting online. I know how pathetic it is but this is the only place I know where he is inactive and there is a low possibility of him seeing my feels posts.
I tweeted how I am finding it so hard not to message him. I wanted to say a lot of things. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to know that I still love him and that there’s no sign of stopping. I am literally loving from afar.
Thirty-four minutes later, while listening to The Script, I got an out-of-the-blue FB message from him. I was surprised. Really surprise that all I was able to reply was an awkward “Hey!” back. It took me five more minutes to send a normal and well thought reply. But the truth is, I wanted to say how happy I was that I got a message from him. I wanted to tell him that I miss him so bad.
I would say, fuck distance. Someday, if it’s really meant, we will get back together and continue what we have. Then, we don’t have to be separated. And if not, this will be something that I’ll remember forever.
I won’t deny it. I am checking his wall and I am constantly checking my phone hoping I would get another message - a girl can dream.
Life can be really funny.
"If you wanna find love, you know where the city is."
For when you’re sad, you gotta find a way to be happy. Things may not be good today, but always remember that it’ll all get better in time. Things happens for a reason. You may not know the answer why life is giving you shit, but soon you’ll realize that it’s when you’re in a shitty state that you learn how to fight to be happy then you become stronger and yeah, eventually better.
Today, I am not in a good mood and I feel shitty. The kind of shitty where I wanted to lock myself in my room and cry a river. It’s the kind of sadness wherein I want to eat a box of pizza all to myself while crying. But, I know that nursing my sadness won’t do me good. So, I decided to listen to good music instead. Music calms my weary soul. It will not change anything but it will help me get by.
What I usually do is listen to 8tracks. It gives me fresh and random music according to what mood I’m in or what mood I wanted. These playlists are awesome. It saves me from crying. (You might want to give it a try; www.8tracks.com or download it on your device. You can follow me too: ohitsjean)
Again, it will all get better.
Okay. So, I finally decided to take part in this #100HappyDays project. Can I be happy for 100 days in a row?
“I hate being nice. People use it to manipulate me. They think like I owe them things where in fact, I am just doing them a favor.”
TGITh - Thank God it’s Thursday which means weekend for me. The weather is good though the wind is extremely cold which I love to feel on my skin since this means summer is coming and soon, I’ll be a grilled pig under the sun.
I like starting my day with a cup of coffee and today, I partnered it with a Chocolate Croissant. I then followed it with these - see above photo. And, yes, this is why I get fat. Eating helps me get through the day.
We all have our way of starting the day, what’s yours?
P.S. I think today will be filled with Croissant. Haha!
There will always be a morning where everything seems to be nice and lovely. Mom not rushing me to wake up, preparing my food and making me a cup of coffee. People smiling. Good Metro train ride. The warmth of the sun and the cold wind, combined, touching my skin as my walk with my shades on. Lobby person greeting me with a smile. Colleagues telling me that I look good. A good conversation with my favorite person living thousand miles away from me. A colleague who gave me his favorite drink so I can taste it (see photo). And a box of Pepero that never fails.
It’s a lovely morning. I hope you had a great start of the day, too.
One step at a time
As you can see on my previous post, I started a new job at this hospitality consulting firm and I’ve been quiet busy. I am just starting to adjust and get use to the working environment. The work is fine, the people are nice and at the end of my 8-hour shift, of course, I feel exhausted that all I wanted to do when I get home is sleep. And that explains my hiatus since I started this job. I know, I’m sorry and I promise to do an update the soonest.
Meanwhile, I started reading Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. The first few parts got me hooked already. If you haven’t read this yet (or any Murakami books), you should prolly start now. It won’t be a time wasted.
And also, follow me on Instagram @ohitsjean.
Enjoy the rest of the week!
First day can be intimidating yet exhilarating. You don’t know what to expect yet you have a long list of expectations. You also have a long list of who, what, when, where and how (e.g. Who will be my lunch buddy? Or my bad day savior?).
Today was my first day at work. I arrived 30-minutes early so I still had the time to relax and freshen up. I stayed at the lobby for a little while and this book gave me company.
I was able to finish this book today and it was awesome; hats off to Paul Arden for this amazing book.
People were nice at the office considering that I am a foreigner to them. As usual, first day is usually the (boring) day wherein you have to feel your work station and start getting used to the environment which in my case, I need to get used to their British-Harry-Potter accent.
Mom gave me a packed sandwich but I wanted to have lunch out and I ended up having buffet for lunch (#fatlife) which I won’t be doing again anytime soon (buffet is fun but not practical for girls like me who don’t eat that much).
The day passed by smoothly. There were random work tasks which consists mainly of browsing the internet, checking the grandeur partner hotels, signing contracts and proof-reading.
The boss gave me this cute notebook which I can’t wait to write on.
The place where I work is really beautiful. I don’t mind walking my way to the metro with these beautiful sightings.
Sooner or later, stress and pressure will find its way back to me. And this time, I won’t let them mess with my life because I know that I can do this. I just have to focus and continue learning. I know that everything will be fine for me. This is the start of something new and beautiful.
“There’s a lot going on my mind. I can’t sleep. Will you count the sheep with me?”
I am not getting any younger hence; I need to save for my future.
Leaving my home country and moving into a foreigner land is not an easy thing, so is deciding to work abroad. Everything will be different. Change will be a total 360-degree turn. I am just lucky enough that I will be living with my mom and my tita’s house is just a train away.
The first time I set foot in this land, I knew that things will never be the same for me as before. All the things that I love are thousand miles away. I have to be brave and strong.
I can’t remember the first time that I got into taking #FromWhereIStand shots, but I remember first seeing it on Ariel Magyawe's tumblr wherein he took photos of him wearing the same shoes, in different places. (Check out his page. His photography is awesome!)
Browsing my camera roll made me realize that I took a number of #FromWhereIStand shots and I wasn’t aware of it. Mostly, those shots are intended for my IG but then I decided to compile it all and do this review monthly.
“And I think every once in a while someone comes along who is a little more primitive than the rest of us, a little closer to our beginnings, a little more in touch with the stuff we’re made of.”
“Love is something we wait for. We imagine our kiss, our first sex, our first I love you. But, we never imagine our first heart break. Maybe, it’s too painful to even imagine. But in a way, the pain of love is what truly changes us. It’s the losing of love that makes us who we are. The lost of a parent, of your virginity, who you thought you might be, of your innocence. It was losses are perhaps our first steps to adulthood. Life gets more complicated.”
"They say that the key to being a writer is figuring out who you are, finding your voice."
It’s better late than never. So, I am starting The Carrie Diaries series and I feel like I’ll be able to finish the whole season today. Yes, today. Not to mention that the first few lines are very apt for my life right now. You know, figuring out who you are, finding your voice, doing what you want, being at the right place, doing the right thing. Life can be so much of a puzzle that it sucks. Anyways, I’ve been wanting to watch this ever since but couldn’t find the time. And well, I have a lot now. Hello, bum life! Sorry, not sorry. Watching TV series is the only thing that makes me sane nowadays (and also, reading and yes, shopping).
I feel so frustrated and demotivated lately. Which is why I can’t seem to write and update this blog even if I want to (and all I do is rant and IG). I feel so blank and empty. Ugh. It feels like my life is a movie. Well, it isn’t.
I hope to get back on track the soonest. Help?
So, yeah. Kbye.